My Mother’s Day Plans

Gone CatawampusMother’s day. It’s a day when we honor mothers/mom substitutes/fathers pulling double duty.

What are you doing to say thank you?

This year I am writing a list.

A list that has a ton of questions, comments, and news. Stuff like…

What is the recipe for those homemade eggrolls?

Have you seen that new season of Downton Abbey?

Guess what I/my boyfriend did!

I’ve got great news! Did you hear about my latest achievement?

Work was horrible. Let me tell you about it.

I found that brand of chips you like!

Did you try turning it off and on again?

What do you want for Mother’s Day?

How are you doing today?

I love you, mom.

Pretty typical stuff you would talk about with your mother (except for maybe the eggroll part). But I won’t be able to share this with my mom.

She passed away almost two years ago.

I still get an ache when I think about her. Birthdays, holidays, and milestones all include that expected pain, but it is the little things that really get to me. I can’t call her when my recipe doesn’t come out as good.  I watch shows that she’d be interested in and my stomach drops because I can’t tell her about it. When I need to cry or laugh about the happenings in my life, I know no phone call would reach her. It kills me a little inside.

I’m in my late 20s. An age where people start to expect that your life is getting in order. Your life should be settling and you should be able to take care of yourself. But, I still need my mommy. I probably will even if I live to see 100.

So don’t just use Mother’s Day to love and honor your mother figure. Put aside time to spend with her. Hug her tight and let her know you love her. You never know when she will be gone.

-Sporadatak

PS: My mom made the best eggrolls ever!

Adventures in Cosplay: Tales from the Break Room

Isn't she beautiful? She's now displayed in my living room, watching over me as I make her costume.

Isn’t she beautiful? She’s now displayed in my living room, watching over me as I make her costume.

I’m furiously working on my Huntress costume for Dallas Fan Expo in May because hey, guess what? Building armor is incredibly time consuming! Since my mind-numbing corporate job leaves me with very little free time in the evening, I started bringing my armor pieces to work so I could paint in the break room over my lunch hour. Who wouldn’t want to save time, right?

What I didn’t expect was everyone’s bizarre reactions to seeing me do a bit of crafting. I usually keep to myself at work, so I guess people were surprised to see me out of my cube. Some people just slowly walked up to my makeshift workspace and stared over my shoulder until I acknowledged their curiosity. Creepy! Others had much better, actual verbal reactions. Here are a few of my favorites so far.

“Are you making ninja turtle shells?”

“Hey, it’s looking more like a thing than it did yesterday. What is it again?”

“So, I googled Huntress and I’m not sure I should be picturing you like that.” (PS, always put “DC” before your Huntress Google search…otherwise you’ll get pictures of well-endowed women in loincloths. None of which are purple.)

“Was this character part of the justice people?”

“Oh, armor is cool and all. But do you get to carry a weapon?”

(After mentioning my bodysuit, made by The Geeky Seamstress) “What? You’re going to be wearing spandex?”

“Are you sure that’s the best way to do that?”

“Can I touch it?”

“Are you going to take pictures when the whole costume is done?”

“I haven’t heard of the Huntress, so she must be an older character. Who is the oldest female superhero?”

It’s been an entertaining week, to say the least. Everything in my craft room is turning purple and all of my coworkers are acting like crazy people. On second thought, that kind of sounds like any other day for a purple-loving introvert.

I suppose those knee pads do resemble turtle shells...purple turtle shells.

I suppose those knee pads do resemble turtle shells…purple turtle shells.

For now, my work continues. But soon I will have vengeance against these long hours of crafting when I get to don my costume and fight crime in Dallas. I can’t wait to share pictures with y’all!

-Calliopunk

6 Disney Jokes I Didn’t Get as a Child

They say ignorance is bliss. However sometimes ignorance is just ignorance. There you are just sitting in front of the TV. Suddenly, something flies over your head quick as a wink. You get the feeling that you missed something, but the movie goes on so you disregard it.

This is little me watching Disney movies.

As I grew older (and more aware of the existence of sarcasm and swear words) reshowings of the these beloved classics revealed jokes that might have gone unnoticed, except by your parents.

1. The Lion King

One of the few movies where you can recognize it from the first note. This has got to be one of my favorite versions of Hamlet. (Yes, you heard right. Look it up!) The mesmerizing colors, the intense story, and darn catchy score by Tim Rice can leave any child with his or her mouth gaping open in amazement. I remember one of the most heart-thumping moments was when Pumbaa was being hunted by Nala. Then this joke pops up.

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My young innocent self thought he was going to say butt.

2. Hercules

I sometimes wonder if Hercules jump-started my current love of Greek and Roman mythology. Anyway, remember right before the scary (awesome) Hydra scene? As Herc runs to remove the boulder, you can hear one of he kids yell this line.

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For those of you still not sure, those are the roman numerals for 911. GET IT!?!?! Because I sure didn’t at the time. However in my old(er) age, I love quoting this.

3. Aladdin

Next to the Genie, Iago is a close second to my favorite character. Did anyone catch this when Aladdin shows up to accuse Jafar of being a traitor?

Jafar: Prince Ali left.

Aladdin: Better check your crystal ball again, Jafar.

Jasmine: Prince Ali!

Iago: How in the he..*cough* *SQUAWK*

Silly Iago. There is no cursing in Disney movies!

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4. Beauty and the Beast

I stand by the idea that Belle’s true love was that library. Though Cogsworth has other ideas of what you should get a woman.

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I’m really glad that the Beast didn’t go for the cliche flowers and chocolate. However, I definitely didn’t understand what the last one meant since he says it so fast. Kinda like singing “Elemeno…P!” in the alphabet song. (Fun Fact: His voice actor ad-libbed that line!)

 

5. Finding Nemo

All drains lead to the ocean. At least that’s what the tank fish believe. Part of their master plan involves dirtying up the tank so that the dentist will bag them up. Germaphobe royal gamma, Gurgle, starts to panic in their algae-ridden home.

tumblr_mh16dqMHcz1r5zq6ao1_500tumblr_mh16dqMHcz1r5zq6ao2_500Shame on you, Gurgle! There are children watching this movie! Someone get the poor guy some antibacterial, stat!

 

6. Sleeping Beauty

My favorite scene in the movie is the when the good fairies are trying to create a surprise birthday party for Aurora. Poor Merriweather is stuck being a human mannequin for Flora’s Frankenstein gown. tumblr_m0pt93Di0a1r7jirgo1_500

Please apply cold water to burned area.

Bonus: Cars

 

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I was actually in high school when this movie came out. So after years of missing these jokes, I was pretty pleased to be in the generation that finally understood.

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Can you think of any Disney jokes that went over your head?

-Sporadatak

*All images are copyrighted to Disney

My Cat is More Photogenic Than Me

Like any good cat lover, I take about a zillion pictures of my kitty each month. It always shocks me how photogenic she is when I have trouble remembering the simple notion of jutting out my chin to make my neck longer. I usually give up and make a goofy face before the camera even points in my direction. But Bella…that little lady can work it! Just look at how much better she looks than me even while we do the same things!

Sleeping

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What a cute little roly poly kitty!

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Ummm what is this hair?

 

Eating

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Bella maintains her princess-like composure even as she slurps up her breakfast.

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Oh, I’m sorry. Are we not supposed to inhale our meals in one big bite?

 

Spending Free Time

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Hanging out in bags and taking naps is a great way to spend free time.

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Hanging out in dirt because of GISHWHES is something else entirely.

 

Perching on High Places

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Bella looks cute even when she’s up high enough to smack my head as I walk by.

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On the rare occasions I’m up high enough to be taller than anyone, I still have the same dorky look on my face.

 

Grooming

groom_bella

Bathtime is not fun for Bella, but she can still stop licking herself long enough to pose for a picture.

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Making myself look my best is considerably less attractive until the process is complete.

But every time I scroll through the pictures on my phone, I’m met by those adorable kitty eyes. And it always makes me feel better, wherever I am.

Do you have a photogenic kitty?

-Calliopunk

PSA for Female Superheroes

Hey ladies,

Do you know what the worst thing is?

Wedgies.

You are just out and about patrolling the city or saving the world. Suddenly a bad guy appears. One well-placed roundhouse kick later and…whoops! There it goes!

It’s bad enough just having to lace yourself into a magic girdle, strap on your utility belts, and squeeze into that skintight spandex suit. Do you really want the pain of having a piece of fabric wedged so far up your butt that not even Batman can figure out where it has gone?

Gone Catawampus

I bet Wonder Woman is the one who is feeling more pain here.

 

Fear not! There are solutions!

 _

1. Wear the Proper Underwear

If your underwear is getting too close and personal, chances are that you are wearing a size too small. The best bet is to wear briefs in your size that cover your entire butt. Boy shorts have a stretch band around both legs and the waist. They are usually made of a stretch material that will cover your entire bottom. Steer clear from the high cut style, especially if you have a big butt, since it will essentially become a thong. (I’m looking at you, Psylocke!)

Gone Catawampus

The pain of this wedgie fuels my rage!

Still not sure what to get? There are loads of different panties that are designed to be wedgie-free. Take a look at the selection in the activewear section, specialty stores, and online. Be sure to check for great reviews from other people who have suffered from unitards slipping down under.

 

2. Wear Pants (or at least more loose fitting uniforms)

Gone Catawampus

All hail the backbreaking pose that shows off boob and butt wedgie!

It is understandable if you’re a spy and need a catsuit that won’t catch on laser trip wire. However, if you’re just covering up your life force-absorbing skin, you really don’t need to don something that will stick to your bum like white on rice.

Combat pants or karate gi bottoms are a great alternate. (If those martial arts masters can butterfly kick in them, you can too!) An added bonus are the pant pockets so you have somewhere to keep your phone and wallet.

It also helps cover up that nasty cellulite that we all suffer from (Admit it!) without the sucking and tucking of Spanx. If you find a pair that has a drawstring or elastic waistband, you can enjoy an extra slice of pizza once in a while guilt-free!

 

 

3. Just Pick it Out

Gone Catawampus

Be right back. Just need to take care of something.

If going out and buying a new uniform or underwear is out of your budget (not everyone is a princess or millionaire), here are a few easy wedgie-picking pointers if your undies ride up in the middle of a battle.

  • Find and pick it out in a secluded place like a phone booth, totaled car, or abandoned building.
  • Use your psychic ability or x-ray vision to make sure no one is around to see you pull your wedgie.
  • Run at super speeds with long strides so hopefully the wedgie will work its way out itself.
  • Pretend to reach and search your utility belt pockets while adjusting to cover up your true motives.
  • If someone sees you picking, either act nonchalantly or stare at them angrily while crushing a mailbox with one hand to scare them into silence.

There you go, ladies! You don’t have to live with wedgies while you bust some heads. Now go and enjoy your thong wannabee-free butt! Tune in next time when we go over the benefits of sports bras.

-Sporadatak

*Heroes and artwork are property of their respective comics.